Old Married Couple
by rainingWolf
Summary: In which the superspies are having a fight, Steve sits back and enjoys the show, and Tony unhelpfully inputs his opinions. Oneshot.


There was a _thud _as the door to the living room sprang open, hitting the wall and bouncing off it. All conversation halted inside the room as Natasha and Clint walked in, both their faces stormy, an aggressive stance with every step as they made their way towards the table where Bruce and Tony had froze. It was almost comical and Steve would have laughed at the way Tony's hand was frozen midway to poking Bruce with a screwdriver and how Bruce was halfway in an attempt to putting the billionaire in a chokehold if it wasn't for the fact that the two superspies had a rather thunderous gleam in their eyes as they stalked over.

Natasha threw herself into a chair, sinking into it as she tucked her legs under her, while Clint stood over her, towering hawkishly, his eyes as hard as diamonds. There was a pause and Steve was wondering just what the hell was going on and he was rewarded with an answer when Clint's fist came smashing down in front of Natasha, pounding the coffee table so hard that the cups and platters jumped an inch before settling.

A hiss escaped the blonde's mouth. "Just what the hell was that about, Romanoff?"

Bruce started, clearly catching that Clint was reverting back to last names, and he and Steve shared a look completed with arching eyebrows as they watched the scene before them unfold.

"Well _Barton," _the redhead drawled out, "I believe I was completing my mission and it would have gone _just fine_ if you hadn't decided to butt in."

Steve could practically hear Clint's teeth mash together before he retorted, his voice tight. "Well excuse me if I gave you a chance to enjoy having your guts inside your body rather than the outside. Tell me next time when you decide to want to decorate the pavement with your internal organs. I'd be happy to oblige."

Natasha blinked as she leaned forward, her red mane falling in front of her face before she brushed it aside with an air of impatience. "My guts would not even be remotely close to becoming a decorative piece if you had just _stayed in position."_

A snort escaped Clint's mouth as he rocked backwards on the balls of his feet. "Stayed in-" a dark chuckle- "stayed in _position!?_ What did you think I was going to do? Just let some Russian dude stab you?"

"I had everything under control!"

Clint's eyebrows shot up his face as he planted his fists on his hips. "_Really_?" His voice turned an octave higher, an indication that what he was about to say next was contrary to what the woman said.

Steve settled further into his seat; clearly the situation was not going to resolve itself any time soon and it would only end when the two superspies were duking it out in the gym. This wasn't the first time something like this had happened. The first time Tony had plucked Clint from mid-air when the archer had leapt off his perch as the building behind him exploded, instead of a 'thank you' one would expect for saving his ass from being smashed against the cement, Clint had just sent a steely gaze to the billionaire before walking off. At Tony's stuttering outrage, Natasha had wandered over. "Next time, don't do that again. He doesn't like to be… 'rescued' in such a manner. He knows what he's doing," the red head had said before sauntering off in the direction Clint had left in.

Tony had yelled at her retreating back, "Well sorry for trying to save Hawkass from dying a premature death!"

And then Steve remembered another time when he had sheltered Natasha from a barrage of bullets that hailed down from the three trigger-happy gunmen that they were supposed to be subduing. He had planted his shield in front of the woman and she had given a snort of indignation, whispering to him, "I don't need to be protected, Captain." He was about to answer with a 'But that's what teammates do' when she ducked out underneath the shield to speed forward. She bounced off the railing to get onto the second level where their targets were and five seconds later, she was giving the 'all clear' signal. She had captured all the snipers.

Clint's voice bought Steve back into the present as the archer said, "Pray tell me, which part did you have under control? When you let two Russians slip past you to make it to the rooftop or when you set the alarm off, letting the police know that something was going down?"

Natasha stiffened as the archer bought up her misdoings. "I only let them pass me because I knew that you were covering the roof! And _you _were the one who was supposed to have hacked into the system so if the alarm went off, don't be pointing your fingers at me!"

"_Excuse me?!"_

"You heard what I said, Barton!"

By this point, Natasha had stood up, face to face with Clint who did not back down but stepped up to the challenge instead. "If you had just followed the plan, then none of this would have happened!"

"The plan?!" Natasha's voice rang out shrilly. "You mean the half baked piece of shit you thought up of on the fly?!"

"It was a _good _plan until you decided to diverge from it and jumped off the roof to smash some poor soul's window in!"

"Only because _you _didn't block the entrance like you were supposed to and therefore, there were three snipers after my ass and I had no choice butto rappel into the building!"

"Oh, so you're saying it's _my _fault?!" A scathing glare was sent Natasha's way and she would have been burnt to ash if shooting lasers out of eyes were possible.

Tony spoke up then, mirth in his voice as he plopped his head on his hand, smiling cheekily towards the two agents. "So when are we expecting the happy engagement?"

Steve face-palmed as Bruce stifled what must be a wry chuckle as icy silence filled the air; Natasha and Clint simultaneously turned their heads towards Tony who went on undeterred. "You guys argue like a couple. You sure you guys aren't secretly married?"

A beat and then, "Stark, if you don't keep your comments to yourself, you will find this knife," and Clint picked up the butter knife that Bruce had been using earlier to put jam on his blueberry bagel, "so far up your ass, you won't be able to speak for the rest of your life."

Tony whined out. "I thought we were friends!"

Clint just sent him an arched eyebrow and his fingers twitched ever so slightly on the butter knife.

"Natasha! You'd stop Legolas from trying to kill me, right? I mean, we're buddies, yea?"

The woman in question just stepped forward until she was eye to eye to Tony who shuffled backwards in his seat, stopping only when his shoulder jarred against Bruce's; the scientist seemed to be divided between wanting the stop the two and wanting to burst out laughing at the same time.

"Stark, what's your favourite vacation spot?"  
"_What?_" Tony was clearly not expecting this question as his jaw had dropped open.

"Don't make me repeat myself, Stark. Answer the question."

Tony answered rather hesitantly, as if not sure if it was a trick question. "Um, Morocco's a nice place around this time of year."

Natasha smiled a razor thin smile and Steve knew right then and there that Tony was going to be sleeping with a baseball bat as his companion for the next three months.

"Good. That's where I'll scatter your ashes if you ever say something like that again."

Tony squeaked.

Clint laughed.

And Natasha just continued that creepy smile of hers as she hooked an arm around her partner and went out the room, her voice drifting back towards the occupants still in the room. "Spar with me. Winner buys dinner."

Steve smothered a snort of laughter himself when he heard the archer amiably answer back, "But I _always _buy dinner regardless!"

There's nobody like Tony Stark to make the two superspies unite after an argument.

* * *

- Sorry if it ended abruptly but I couldn't exactly phrase the last sentence that would make sense to me. So I just left it like that.

- Hopefully you still like it.

- Reviews are much appreciated.


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